Aftershocks

So not only did I pay for that damned cleanse dysentery, I am STILL paying for it. Apparently my body refuses to believe that it can eliminate on its own without LAXAHERB. Damn you vile WILD ROSE CLEANSE. Me and my fibre pills will surely defeat you. Even if it takes another week. BASTARD..

Oh and please blogosphere, next time I say something as stupid as CLEANSE* tell me you won't wait until AFTER I announce my flounce to chime in with horrid tales of woe. I got more stories of badness both on and offline about that particular endeavour than anything. I understand schadenfreude but that was just cruel of ya'll to let me get that far..

In non-poop related news...

We got our sectional! Well.. most of it. We are still waiting for the corner cover. It looks spectacular except for the corner) and I even sewed pillows for it. I am sew not a seamstress. Nope no sir. But they look good sew isn't that all that matters?

I finished a pair of faux cable KNEESOCKS out of the Casbah sock yarn. Who knew 115g would go all the way up? Pics to come when I can get Chris to take some.

We have taken to calling Max Mesmer now. He seems to be able to control Pickles with his mind. Since Pickles is so much more um, vocal than Max, Max uses him to annoy us when he wants to go out. It is remarkable really. You ask Pickles is he wants to go out and Max is already waiting. They keel me...

*Unless I am referring to my house, car or dogs.

Day 5

Ok that's it. I can't take it anymore. I surrender. The 5 day monstrously huge headache and the ass blasting trips to the loo? I am DONE. NO MORE. I need my sugar. I need my milk. I am finito. Screw you Wild Rose Cleanse. You beat me.

I am so going to make a proper coffee. Right now.

Oh. My. God. Or as my Dad would say "Nectar of the Goddamned!" Coffee the way nature intended it. Full of milk and Splenda* is a thing of beauty.

So as not to make this a full on failure, there are some things I learned from the Wild Rose Cleanse.

-I like MILK.
-Laxative herbs (LAXAHERB!) makes your colon go BOOM.
-Brown rice is pretty darn good.
-Anything that depletes your energy, gives you a 5 day headache and makes you poo.. is usually a flu or food poisoning. Why I paid to feel like this? I DON'T KNOW.
-My usual diet is pretty darn good too.


I don't reckon this is for me, but you hardier souls (Dana!) keep on keepin' on. Me? I'm getting a cheese pizza for dinner and calling it even.





*Irony yes?

Day 4

Cinnamon is a wonder spice. Did you know that? Enough of it in your watery almond milk and you can make it taste *almost* good. I realised I had not read my foods list too closely when I discovered oranges are on the VERBOTEN list. Oops. Good thing I only ate 3. ooh and they are super good oranges too. Called Cara Cara from Planet Organic. They have a dark pink coloured pulp and are sweet beyond belief. I will save the last one for the end. Also, I can eat BUTTER*! So I had a giant bowl of air popped (at first I wrote pooped hahaha) popcorn with REAL BUTTER. OMG. Guess what food jag I am on now?

Down a total of 3.5 lbs, but its not really about the weight is it? Is it? Nah, I wanna see if the fuss is all that and a bag of chips. mmm.. chips. I felt pretty good yesterday, but did have a wicked headache that even a whole whack of h2o couldn't fix so caved and took some Tylenol. MUCH BETTER.

I got a package from my pusher fibre source The Sweet Sheep, and as usual she tossed in a few Hershey's Kisses. It about did my head in not to gobble those bastards down, but I abstained. See? That virtue thing! I got some Funky Carolina Roving in the Sweet Sheep exclusive colourway called Michelle that I spent my afternoon spinning up (while watching Texas Chainsaw Massacre; The Beginning. Grosstacular!) into a nice balanced double ply. So gorgeous! I'll show you some pictures when I figure where my camera battery charger is.

Oh and the other thing I wanted to share with all 2 of my loyal readers is my new favourite show. How to Look Good Naked. Its on the W network (originally from Britain, Channel 4) and I have never seen anything like it. It is hands down the most body positive show out there. Gok Wan is my hero. His reinforcements about how was should all love our bodies are inspiring to say the least. Go watch this, but be warned, lots of nudity. All female, all real, all good.










*So this is proof there may be a higher power. Thanks Voodoo Man!

Day 3

Oh cupcakes! I am surprised that the thing I am missing most is SWEETNESS. I never really thought of myself as too much of a sweet tooth* but damned if I am not missing a sugary fix about now. Day 2 went ok, I was feeling some fatigue in the afternoon and the trips to the loo are still ridiculous. I also had some nausea last night. I have rediscovered water with lemon as a drink and have tried some new herbal teas too**. Also can I take a moment to say HOLA CHILE!! Thank you for your bounty of fresh cherries in the dead of winter. Although I should probably not eat a pound of them at a time while taking *laxaherb*. Oops. Lesson learned.


I spun up some fibre from MamaE (super wash merino) that I got from Morgan, it is going to be some seriously spectacular socks I tell ya. I working on trying to get a consistent worsted weight single (ala Malabrigo) and thanks to the boards on Ravelry, have been inspired to try some new things. Man, that place is a wealth of information!



Ugh. I am feeling a bit le' crappy (LITERALLY) but don't cry for me Argentina, I am doing this of my own free will.

*unlike my husband who I watched eat half a pumpkin pie yesterday. With cream. Dammit!


**Celestial Seasonings! Cherry Berry is gross, Tangerine Orange Zinger is not.

Day 2

Brown rice tastes pretty good. I am usually not much of a rice/pasta/carb loader, but damn, I am surprised at how much flavour it has. That's what I am noticing about being restricted, the more subtle flavourings of food in its natural state. I have to say I am missing my Splenda. No Crystal Light, no diet Rockstars, nothing in my latte (and almond milk is SO NOT FOAMED MILK) the only sweet is coming from fruit.

As far as the supplements go, I am having a little GI immediacy* and the one supplement makes you pee more. I told you there was going to be TMI. You have been warned.

I feel good though, no real lack of energy but I did/do have a slight headache. I drank lots of tea (peppermint and Bengal Spice!) and water so GO ME! I am also down 1.9 pounds. I reckon its a fluke as I ate all badness the day before to compensate.

Stay tuned for more cleanse reports. Oh yeah, Dana.. I thought you would be one person who has done this whole cleansy thing before. Hope yours goes well.. :)






*subtle huh?

Next to godliness

I am embarking on something completely foreign to me. A cleanse! I have always wondered what these do for a body so what the hell, I plunked down my 34.95 and today is the day. This morning I had my coffee (allowed) with some unsweetened almond milk* and a bowl of Bob's Red Mill Spice 'N' nice cereal with more almond milk and some strawberries. No dairy, no flour of any kind, no sugar, nothing fermented, no peanuts. I went to Planet Organic yesterday and stocked up on brown rice cakes, brown rice, organic fruit and my last chocolate bar** for 12 days. I took my pills and my tincture this am, and I'm off.

I think I am going to try to blog this whole experience, so stay tuned for possibly more information that may want to know about my colon/cravings/whingeing that ever before!!





*hmm. It is watery but doesn't have the funky soy fermented taste I hate. I might be okay with this stuff. We'll see.

**Dagobah Lavender dark chocolate bar. OMG my hands down favourite choccy bar of all time. Mm.. and I only eated half. :(