I did it. I used my sewing machine and it was glorious. well, it was fine and it worked properly and I even took my jeans in (although maybe I should just but smaller jeans from now on?) but not really enough. the little machine purrs like a kitten and has me dreaming of quilts. jerk. well, maybe raggy quilts? there's even kits you can get on etsy that come all cutout for you.... cause that's what I need. another hobby right?
I've shaved the dogs down, the shortest I've ever gone and boy did this ever fuck them up but good. lily can't stop chasing her ass and biting it (her tail is now tickling her back/butt) and pickles, oh pickles. he has little blackheads on his back (schnauzer bumps anyone?*) that are gross but seem to be clearing up with some acne pads I've pickled up for him. also: it got COLD AS FUCK out so the both needed sweatering. this has cured lily of most her bum bum BUM-ness (she's always had some bum chasing going on. HILARIOUS) and now they can both go outside for longer than 20 seconds.
*not a schnauzer that we know of, but all the research I've done leads to this. it's totally it. silly beasties.