small things make all the difference in enjoying stuff. a perfect flat white (stop asking me what size Starbux. there can be only one*) and a ginger molasses cookie. how can these small simple pleasures incur such a huge release of endorphins? I asked on fb what people do when they want to get out and don't have anything specific planned. I got lots of lovely answers, the one I think I may have follow is hit a coffee shop. I'm so used to getting the coffee, drinking the coffee getting the fuck out. you know except on saturdays with my ladies. when I have no problem sitting, enjoying, taking my time. I find it harder to do on my own. like I'm taking up space that someone else might want. like I"m overstaying my welcome. while actually taking up less space alone. it's never to late to have epiphanies. like the one I had about white sauce. red sauce is significantly lower in calories and I had internalised this for my whole life. watch out for those extra cream calories. be careful you might enjoy something too much. I'm tired of watching other people enjoying what I want. I'm tired of worrying about taking up space. I'm tired a lot. I think I'm going to try to make this year the year I figure out how to be me without worrying about anything except BEING ME.
*Highlander reference FTW