This is my first Christmas with no parents. A true Christmas orphan. I've not been big on Christmas for a while now. I have my reasons, I really do. This year feels different. Lonelier. I have no Mum or Dad to brainstorm the perfect gift for. So I keep buying stuff to keep that feeling at bay. Like I can buy my way through this season into the new year. Which I imagine will be all bright and shiny and full of happy, even though I know it will look just like the day before.
Don't get me wrong, I have my tiny family here, to keep me full of cheer. Hey! That rhymed! And I have an invite to see all my other huge family that I don't know at all, who would be really happy to see me, which is weird, but I think is cool. I'm so blue though, I don't want to infect anyone else with that colour. It seems terribly contagious, so I back out of things I should be moving forward into. Time moves by so quickly yet drags on into minutes.
I miss my Dad. I miss my Mum. I miss Max. But time will march on, and even though it's hard to see this keyboard that has suddenly gone all watery and blurry, I know I will feel better eventually. My Husband and Son will help with that. But right now I feel like a little kid.
9 comments:
Oh, Karen. I feel for you. I wish you a holiday season full of love and cheer.
hugs <3
hugs xx
Your post is beautiful and touching. You never really get used to loosing a loved one, you just learn to live with the loss. The emptyness remains. I hope you talk often of your memories, I find that by sharing mine helps keep them alive for me.
Hugs
Thinking about you seeeester and sending you some love...
Karen,
Back when my son was a toddler and I was pregnant with number two, we moved from Ottawa to Washington, DC. The next week the IMF sent my husband off to Moscow for a month. He left in November and wouldn't be back until almost Xmas. I was SO lonely, with no extended family. It was the worst holiday season of my life. But then, somehow I wised up. The next year I realized all of sudden that with no family, there were no obligations! If I wanted to laze around, or not put up my tree until whenever, no one would comment. I didn't have to dress up and pretend to adore my not-so-adorable relatives (that ones that are way too huggy and kissy). Over the years, we developed our own Xmas traditions. It all worked out. Best wishes for the season.
P.S. I visited your blog after I noticed that you bought the Trellis Waistcoat pattern. Don't hesitate to let me know if you have any questions/comments.
Boy, do I feel stupid. It was ANOTHER String Theory blogger who purchased my pattern! Nonetheless, I enjoyed visiting your blog and will do so again, and of course the comments re being without family for Xmas remain valid. Go bake something.
I love this post, even though it's sad. It's so hard to lose loved ones, but you'll see them again. Hugs to you Karen!
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